After the January cycle failed, I fell into a deep depression. Rationally one shouldn’t get so upset about natural cycles, random as they are, but I think we are way past the rational stage here. We are talking about a journey that has almost reached the five year point. Sometimes I really just can’t believe that.
In addition to this there have been some major life events in the family that are very stressful to deal with. Plus, I had my first performance review for my new job. Fortunately it went exceedingly well, but the mere idea of “performance conversations” is enough to strike fear deep into my heart.
It’s been a difficult time. While the last few days have been better, the past few weeks I can only describe as ones in which I was merely surviving.
Nonetheless, the husband and I perservered, and another well-timed cycle was had by all. Yet it was still with an overwhelming sense of futility that I stood in the pharmacy today and waited for my prednisone prescription to be refilled. I’m eight days past ovulation today, so there are a few days left in this cycle yet.
My expectations are low. My new year’s hope has evaporated.