Three things

1.Cycle update

Unsurprisingly, my last cycle ended as predictably as ever.  My period arrived on 11dpo. The only surprising thing about this is that apparently my capacity for self-delusion knows no bounds. Allowing myself to believe that this is going to happen for us is clearly misguided at best and lunacy at worst.

2.The Talk

Surprisingly, the crushing disappointment of failure led us to actually have The Talk.

What we agree on:

  • we don’t want to give up yet
  • we accept that the chances of success are small
  • we won’t be doing IVF
  • we need intralipids
  • we will make a last ditch effort

So. Where does this leave us? Intralipids are still a rarity in Australia.

For a long time I have known of only one doctor in the whole country who was prepared to do IVIG/intralipids. Let’s call him Dr Last Resort. He is not part of a fertility clinic and is not an RE per se. He is an ob/gyn with an interest in reproductive immunology who will give you a protocol whilst your pursue your treatment cycle elsewhere. He is located in Sydney, which is accessible from Small City. I know that he has had success with difficult cases. Win all round.

In the course of my research, I have now found out there are at least two other doctors, both attached to fertility clinics, who are using intralipids.* (Compare with two years ago, when I could not find anyone except Dr Last Resort). One of them sounds great, the other not so great. Both are very far away. I am considering them as back up options.  I am also looking into whether there are any available doctors in Small City who will consider treatment with intralipids.

You may wonder why we are going to all this trouble. After six years, we have tried it all. I have tried aspirin, clexane, progesterone, prednisone, vitamins and minerals of all types at one time or another, often lots of these together.  We have almost reached the end. Intralipids is the only thing we haven’t tried. I have read so many success stories. We feel that this is what we have to do before we give up for good.

3. Other people

I am fed up with people  in the workplace asking me whether I have children. No, I do NOT have children. Have I ever spoken about any children? No.  Do I know when the school holidays start and end? I do not.  Do I ever talk about childcare or the school run?  Certainly not. Do I dissect in excruciating detail the wonders of Mother’s Day? Do I even MENTION Mother’s Day? I would rather stick a fork in my eye. So, dear colleagues, I ask you to draw your own conclusions based on common sense and leave me the hell alone.

* If you are in Australia and need to know who these doctors are, please e-mail me. I would be more than happy to share this information with you.

  1. twabgy’s avatar

    Oh That Question. That question, always followed by that tiny awkward pause while they wonder why. I always feel like blurting out the truth. But then I feel sorry for the person/ my nerve fails me, and I don’t.

    Really though, people who have more than a nodding acquaintance with you, like colleagues, should blooming well know by now, the big eejits.

    Intralipids do sound good. You are so right to go with your instinct. Sending you huge amounts of luck, from Ireland, no less, as ever. ;-)

  2. bunny’s avatar

    1. HELL. But not misguided, or lunacy, just…hope. You seem to feel it’s a long shot, which means you’re being reasonable (I mean, maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but it’s not like you’re thinking it’s for sure gonna happen). Hope’s a heartbreaker, but there’s nothing wrong with not being able to shake it.
    2. Well okay then! Intralipids! Dr. Last Resort! I’m grateful there’s something you can try, and I hope the process is one that can unfold quickly and with a minimum of stress.
    3. Yeah, I’m sorry for stupid, stupid other people. I’m guessing they’re just being polite, because after blah blah blahing about their children, it would be rude not to give you a chance, but hey, most people can’t even begin to imagine how much pain such a question can bring up. Time to get a photo frame for your desk with a picture that says “I HAVE NO CHILDREN BUT HAVE SUFFERED A SERIES OF DEVASTATING LOSSES–BE SURE TO ASK ME ABOUT THAT.”

  3. Adele’s avatar

    I have high hopes for the intralipids, and I’m very glad to hear that their use is more widespread (even if it’s still going to be tough to get to a doctor who will prescribe them). I’m sorry for the BFN but I do think that the outcome of The Talk is good. And that you should not give up.

    (As to #3, all I can say is: people are idiots).

  4. Anthony’s avatar

    Hi, could you please send e the names of the Doctors who will prescribe intralipids, I’ve heard these are useful in CHI, we have a history and are 10 weeks pregnant now

  5. BlossomPants’s avatar

    Dear Andie,

    I have found your way onto your blog and want to let you know I share everything that you are going through. I’m into my fourth year of this crazy arse journey and its all consuming. This month, I just received news again of my 9th failed ET. I’ve tried everything under the sun; weekly acupuncture, hypnotherapy, no coffee/alcohol/wheat/dairy/anything of any fun, no exercise, exercise, rest, walking, gentleness, heat packs, no heat packs and I’m at wit’s end.

    I too believe i have immune issues; but nothing is coming up in the blood work. I have heard that Dr Stacks in Sydney can provide guidance and I will talk with my specialist tomorrow about that. I know that she has no belief in NK therapy and that will be a tricky subject to maneouver.

    As for life in general, it is hard to move forward. I’m, like you, contemplating escaping from it all for 12 mths on a worldwide adventure. At least it would get me away from all these women around me who seem to fall pregnant despite drinking 10 litres of coke per day, fatty chicken sandwiches for lunch and without a cocktail of vitamins, herbal tonics and medications.

    I love your perserverance and believe that your time will come. You have come so far.